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Desire, Love or Lust by *Beautifull-Freak:iconBeautifull-Freak:

Categories Literature > Prose > Non-Fiction > Philosophical



Because you never really know, do you?

What are the butterflies in your stomach that you feel when you look at a picture, or stand in front of said person, look into his or her eyes, get a text message, and IM or an email, or a phonecall? Is that desire, love, lust, crush? I honestly don't know... These feelings are difficult to keep apart.

I do know the feeling of wanting to spend the rest of my life with another person staring into each other's eyes and feeling, thinking, knowing "Yes, I could spend the rest of my life being right here."
I haven't felt that in a long time. Nor will I any time soon, I don't think.

The feeling is so sacred, and at the same time so frightening, that I just can't get myself to feel it for someone I'm not around enough yet to tell if I want to spend the rest of my life with them. The stupidest thing is, that feeling is perfectly normal and justified, yet I feel guilty, somehow... I know I shouldn't, I act like I don't, but I do. I guess I'm lucky I'm acting like I don't, because otherwise I would compromise my own wishes and dreams for something I think I might or might not have read in said other person.

Or perhaps...

This might, or might not, just be another step in finding out who I really am. As a wise man said, just go with it, don't think too much about it and if it happens, it happens, if it doesn't it doesn't. That's a piece of advice I'd give a person, and I'm glad a person gave it to me, because I lack the ability to listen to myself, even though I very well know my advice is of good quality.
It will, or will not, happen, but does it really matter? Does it really matter that if I do go through with this and see where it ends up, either one of us might get hurt? Or not, and that's the entire point. We might not get hurt. We might understand each other, but both not ever wish to compromise either one of our feelings, wishes and dreams, and therefore we both well know what we're up against. And yet, what if one of us does get hurt? Is that good enough reason not to even go for it? What is this defeatist attitude I have taken on after so many disappointments in the past, where I did not thinking about getting hurt or not, where I did not worry and just went with it, let it flow? This isn't me! I take chances, I enjoy adventures and finding new things out, doing new things and trying to find what will make me happy, while in the meantime having a fucking great time doing it! You can't have a great time when you worry about the consequences.
I don't care about weight, or overeating, or even smoking or drinking that much anymore. My Tim smokes, and I just think to myself, why the fuck not? Sure, it might be bad for you, but what the hell? You'll die anyway, and living 2 or 3 years longer isn't going to make that much of a difference. Living 2 or 3 years shorter, but having enjoyed those previous many years fully, having lived it to the fullest, that's the entire point of life! Not worry about things such as lung cancer, not being a size 32 (Dutch sizes, mind you), enjoying a drink or two in the evening or just having fun whatever you do.
What's the point in life if you're going to spend it worrying about consequences all the time? I say, Tim, smoke as your heart desires, I say Buck, drink as your heart desires, I say people, do whatever you wish because if you wish so, I think you should do it.
This may sound incredibly rash, but in fact it's not meant to be. I don't mean you should binge eat all the time, just because you like eating, I don't think you should chainsmoke just because you like smoking, I don't think you should become an alcoholic just because you like drinking, and I don't think you should fuck around just because you like the sex.
There are certain responsibilities to oneself, but if you can live with the slight possibility of getting lung cancer later on, getting liver disease later on, heart disease, and perhaps catch an infectious disease; if you weight all the consequences against all your wishes, you'll know not to over eat, over smoke, over drink or have unsafe sex. (I knew some of those weren't actually English terms, but it went well with the flow)

Just be who you are, do what you want to do, but do take the responsibilities for your actions.
That said, if you want to over eat, over smoke, over drink and have unsafe sex, knowing fully well that you could die of lung cancer, heart disease, liver failure and AIDS at the same time, but you don't care, then more power to ya! Have fun while doing it!
©2008 *Beautifull-Freak
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Submitted: April 28
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Author's Comments


My new philosophy
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~sinful-mary:iconsinful-mary: Apr 28, 2008, 1:37:23 PM
quite good, i must say...
it's like... you don't have to be sceared of love... what's gonna be about it, because you'll get experiences - not every time nice ones... but something ;p.

i like it ^^.

--
"one day i'll get to you and teach you how to get to purest hell"


* Visit my gallery
* sorry - my english is sh*t.
*Beautifull-Freak:iconBeautifull-Freak: Apr 28, 2008, 1:44:15 PM

Something like that, yeah ;)

--
Avatar by *Skitsofrenika

Stand out on the edge of the stage
Dive into the center of t'crowd
Walk right on the hands of the fans
Glare into this new fangirl's face

It's not a matter of duck, it's just a matter of thyme
*My-World-Order:iconMy-World-Order: Apr 29, 2008, 11:12:01 AM
You know, I've probably always looked for that kind of philosophy, maybe it's even been my own but I could never put it into words better than you just did. I absolutely love this :clap:

--
Cry ourselves to sleep
We will sleep alone forever
Will you lay me down
In the same place with all I love...

:heart: ₪ ø Ξ .o· 30 Seconds To Mars ₪ ø Ξ .o· :heart:

~*~ Music saved her soul ~*~
*Beautifull-Freak:iconBeautifull-Freak: Apr 29, 2008, 11:27:40 AM

Really? It was just a crazy rant that I decided to put up as a piece. I'm kind of surprise the philosophy stuck with me this time, and I have a feeling it always will ;)

Thanks sweetie, I'm glad you like it! :glomp:

--
Avatar by *Skitsofrenika

Stand out on the edge of the stage
Dive into the center of t'crowd
Walk right on the hands of the fans
Glare into this new fangirl's face

It's not a matter of duck, it's just a matter of thyme
*My-World-Order:iconMy-World-Order: May 4, 2008, 1:57:30 PM
:heart: This deviation has been featured in my gallery :heart:

--
Cry ourselves to sleep
We will sleep alone forever
Will you lay me down
In the same place with all I love...

:heart: ₪ ø Ξ .o· 30 Seconds To Mars ₪ ø Ξ .o· :heart:

~*~ Music saved her soul ~*~
*Beautifull-Freak:iconBeautifull-Freak: May 8, 2008, 1:25:54 PM

Thanks so much sweetie!! :love:

--
Avatar by *Skitsofrenika

Stand out on the edge of the stage
Dive into the center of t'crowd
Walk right on the hands of the fans
Glare into this new fangirl's face

It's not a matter of duck, it's just a matter of thyme
*My-World-Order:iconMy-World-Order: Jun 15, 2008, 5:17:06 AM
My pleasure :aww:

--
Cry ourselves to sleep
We will sleep alone forever
Will you lay me down
In the same place with all I love...

:heart: ₪ ø Ξ .o· 30 Seconds To Mars ₪ ø Ξ .o· :heart:

~*~ Music saved her soul ~*~
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